Then she has to fight her doubts again,before making a step.Every time she makes her first step into the rain, it's like an electricshock for her body... It's very short, but the strength of the uncertaintyis big. Deep inside her mind, she still repeats "What if..."What if it will turn her into a boy again? She was changing many times inthe past, so it became a natural for her then. All these conflictedfeelings are returning to her. Many times she thought that she managed toforget about them, but. My foetus would be rotting in some hospital waste bin or worse, -I'd be disposed of as six-year-old once they discovered what I was." "Oh that's not fair Beverly. I said nothing about killing children." "It's a thin line Ruby, believe me it's a very thin line. I was destined to be disposed of in a snuff movie. The moral question had already been circumvented and rationalised. I was transvestite scum remember? I still am, in fact; and some still say I'm not fit to live amongst ordinary decent. .."The good news is, on this pen-drive, there were only three photos, all similar; Emma and me, the guys; naked, covered tits. But the fact, there aren’t there any of the much, much more embarrassing photos of me from that time—and there could’ve been—doesn’t cheer me up really. Those fuckin' pricks always find a way to me! Always! Is it me? Fuck, it has to be me! I fuckin’ kept it! Did I want to get caught? I’m fuckin’ lovin’ it, am I?"Delete it. Now. " I demand, "Where’s the pen-drive?" No. She still lives at her parents, with her mom and dad and brother. The parents are very nice, but I never got to know her brother Eric very well. He just turned 18 and is a quiet guy that is always polite but doesn't have much to say, usually. Beth and I went over there for one Saturday to help her do some housework. Mom and dad were to be away at a friends house, and we were supposed to be all alone. When we got there we noticed that was not the case. Eric, who was supposed to be at his friends.
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