What had I done? What injury had I caused, and to whom? I was — and am — unable to believe in predestination or karma. How could something or some...ne hate me so much? I had no answers.We got home late, and after a brief kiss and a promise to return the next day, Donny went home. I went into the bedroom and froze; the reminders of Charli — her clothes, her scent, her jewelry, her stuffed animals on the bed — were a shock to my system. I stood there shaking and bawling until Mom came up behind me. Good stuff. You gonna trip on it." He put it to my mouth and I grinned, knowing I shouldn't, but I'd heard of ecstasy before and it was supposed to be good. I wanted to try it anyway. I opened my mouth and BMF put it lightly on my tongue and I swallowed it down with a little sip of champagne."You wanna dance?" I asked him, feeling tired of getting my free nine ball lessons. Eddie and his brother had been feeling me up for half an hour already, and it was fun, but I wasn't ready to go too far. They start slow. The flogger men go first, brushing her naked skinwith the soft falls of their whips as she squirms and struggles on thetable. After a few minutes of this they give her some strokes. Theyare surprisingly gentle at first, but she whimpers nonetheless, forshe knows that this represents a beginning. Gradually they build. Thestrokes fall heavier now. She feels the sting of the little redflogger, the deep wallop of the black one. The two sensations play offeach other. The men focus. The sight was an image intensifier, so it used the available light and amplified it. I could see nothing through the closed curtains. I wondered if a thermal imager would have let me see some of what was going on.I still didn't want to believe what I had seen. There was nothing I had done that would make Jean betray me. I mean, I had been in exactly the same position as her. I barely saw her, but I wasn't running off to screw the nearest woman. So what was so different that she would think.
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