.. Maybe I feel I don't deserve the life I've had, the good luck, the money ... maybe I feel guilty for what happened with me and Sarah the first time... and I need to be punished for fucking up her life ... but to be honest, I had the same tendencies even before we were lovers, I just hadn't learned how to express them. I'm just one of those strange people who enjoy sexual pain, and ... humiliation ... and excess ... as a kind of antidote. Like a chemical balance in my life. And once I tried it. I spend a good 30 minutes at this, but reflecting late on inthe evening with a constant feeling of arousal in my clitty I hadactually loved it. I t was a different more intense felling around thewhole body but less at my clitty. I don't think I would say I was hookedat this stage but definitely understanding that there is so much more tosex, feelings and arousal than just pumping your clitty away.The next evening of course I caved, opened up the cage and pumped away.Over the next months I would. Kelli said that John was nice, holding her hand and giving her a little kiss after they got done getting high. She said they kept driving till they got to a park which was pretty dark, they were all sitting in the front seat of a big truck . They all started getting high and drinking, Kelli said she was a little drunk and really buzzing from the pot. John leaned over and started kissing Kelli. She loved it and thought that this was a great date and she was having fun. Kelli said they were. It's ... I can't describe it, darling, except it's overwhelming. I can't conceive life without you."Mark tightened his arms round her and nuzzled her hair. " My parents have got a record of Fred Astaire singing 'Night and Day'." So have mine. I love it." 'And my torments won't be through till I spend my life making love to you day and night, night and day'," he sang.She smiled up at him. "My thoughts too, my darling, but you missed out the bit before: 'There's such hungry yearnings and burnings.
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